Let’s Get Real

[Quick note: sorry it has taken me so long to post this! It's been done for 2 weeks now and I just haven't gotten on to actually put it up. God bless!!]

     You know, lately I have been really struggling with guilt about struggling with my relationship with God. I see so many people now who post Bible verses, and love people (almost) all the time, and though they mess up, they're quick to say "It's okay, God forgives me, and He still loves me and wants me" and they seem to move on with their lives. Then there's me over here, constantly thinking of myself, forgetting to pray before I eat or go to bed (and just in general), falling asleep, or starting to, while trying to read even a chapter in the Bible in the morning, and I keep thinking Jesus asking his friends in the Garden of Gethsemane 'You couldn't even stay awake with me for one hour? Come on, wake up already and pray.' 

     It's not that I'm struggling with having faith or knowing God will come through for me--it's me feeling like I fail him when I can't even stay awake to pray. That-I think- is the one that gets me the most, because I know that on those days where I'm able to spend time in God's word and just focus for a while, the rest of my day goes so much better. 

     I've prayed for a little while now that God would give me a passion for him and for His word, and one thing out of this awareness and guilt that I am ecstatic about is that I'm starting to feel it. No longer am I thinking only of myself, but more and more often there is the realization that 'oh, I haven't read my Bible today,' or 'oh I haven't thought about that story in a long time--let's find it and read it again!' Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! It's only the beginning, but God is answering my prayer in front of my eyes!

     It's a really big step when you first realize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed, then another when you feel the burden to address it, so even though that's only 2 steps, they are steps in the right direction, and each one is worth praising God over. 

    If you haven't already heard the story of Jesus' forty days in the wilderness, you can find it in Matthew 4:1-11. In it, Jesus has just been baptized by his cousin John, and for 40 days (just shy of 6 weeks), Jesus goes to be tempted in the wilderness. For 6 weeks Jesus is tempted, and it is important to note that each time He is tempted, Satan uses God's words to tempt Him. Just like Satan took those words and twisted them to try to confuse Jesus, He takes those words that are said and twists the context to confuse you, and that is exactly what I've realized he is doing to me. You can't think that Satan would use the words that Jesus was there to help write to tempt Him, and would not use them to tempt you. 

     I just have to learn other/better ways to wake myself up more quickly in the morning so I can focus on His word. I need to keep the phone away and, before I even check Facebook or the weather, to connect with Him. I have to make myself remember that when Jesus spoke those words to His friends in the garden, He was not speaking out of judgement, but out of anguish about the pain he was about to experience, and that they still had no idea or were not passionate enough about it to do something about it. I have to get it into my head that having a relationship with Jesus is a life or death thing. 

     Yes, Jesus saved me 13 years ago and won the war for my soul, but I still have to get through the battles that happen for my attention every single day. And still, I don't have to get through them alone. Jesus was human for 33 years--he knows exactly what it is like to feel tired, body and soul, and He is eager to provide you with that life-giving water if you would just ask. Even in the little things you think you should be able to do on your own-like staying awake in the morning for me, or maybe genuinely smiling at that person you really can't stand-sometimes you need to ask for help and that's okay. 

John 7:37-38 (CEV) 

37 On the last and most important day of the festival, Jesus stood up and shouted, “If you are thirsty, come to me and drink! 38 Have faith in me, and you will have life-giving water flowing from deep inside you, just as the Scriptures say."

Philippians 1:6 (NIV) 

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Living in Peace

True peace is usually something hard to achieve. As Christians we are often told to ‘forgive and forget’ and move on with our lives. While this idea is very simple in theory, it is often hard to achieve, even if we are constantly praying that God would take our unrest and resulting sins and turn them into peace and grace. For example, right now I am seriously struggling with one of my roommates who seems determined to see only the negative in everything.  Even when I think out loud, or make a simple observation or a seemingly innocent comment, she is always ready with negative feedback of some kind, and I have never had to deal with that before. It makes me want nothing to do with her, and then when I do have to be around her, I feel myself getting anxious simply being in her presence because I know something will come if I interact with her.

         This living situation has really been a trial in growing my patience, and in living out Romans 12:18, which says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” It has been so, so hard at times and I have often found myself doing what I can to avoid her, simply to avoid the risk of confrontation. At the same time, when I avoid her, I find myself feeling guilty, because avoiding people doesn’t allow me to share Christ’s love with them. Even though I have known this girl long enough to know that nothing I do or say will change her, I still find myself feeling guilty for not trying sometimes.

          John 14:27a says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.”  This tells me that it is not our own peace Christ expects us to live by, but by His own. Without God, ours is not a true peace, but simply a time of semi-calm before something else happens to make you upset again. That is part of why things like stress and anxiety often build up so badly. To experience the ‘peace that surpasses all understanding’ Paul mentions in Philippians 4:7, we have to humble ourselves, ask God for His peace, and then accept it by using it. If you continue to be anxious about something after you have asked for God’s peace that means you aren’t accepting his gift. Trusting Him matters!

          Now, this doesn’t mean that anxiety and stress won’t try to creep back in, because they almost always do. You simply must give it up again and again until your worries over that issue or event stop coming back. And that time may not be until after the event is over! What does matter is that you give it up to God, no matter how many times it takes to do so.

Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.

About the Trinity

I heard today at church that one of the big things that keeps people from sharing the gospel,  is that they really can't explain one of the most fundamental truths of Christianity,  and that is the question of "what is the trinity?" I mean, how the heck can God be 3 persons in one Holy, perfect being? Doesn't that mean He has some kind of schizophrenia? Or if He isn't schizophrenic,  do Christians really worship 3 different gods and they just don't realize it?

 Some decide that the whole idea of the trinity is best not approached simply because they can't explain it if and when someone does ask, but hopefully what I'm about to say can change that for you. (And I warn you now this isn't my original idea, but it's one I heard at a bible study that is too good not to repeat).

God is like a rainbow. Yep, a rainbow. It's simple,  yet mind-boggling--at least for me. Most of you know that rainbows are little more than light reflecting off water droplets in the atmosphere at just the right angles, yet it is an amazing thing to behold!  A rainbow in itself is whole, and beautiful,  and colorful and pure. Yet in its wholeness as a rainbow, it is reflecting different colors, and someone could make the argument that each color is a separate entity even though together they make one perfect thing. In a similar way, God is one being that has three separate parts that, while they are different in a sense, still make one. Each one-Father, Son, and Holy Spirit-performs a different function,  but all 3 are One together, like the water droplets that make a rainbow.